Sink or Swim

It seems like a lot of areas of life are sink or swim. Life itself, really, is a matter of sinking or swimming.

In life, there is no manual (and please do not comment on this saying “Yes there is. It’s called The Bible”). Our parents say, “Here is what I know,” and then some time later, they turn us out into the general public hoping we do not follow through with our naive teenage plans of raising Hell.

And lately, I’m realizing I’m sinking.

It started with a credit card application. I got rejected – again – for a credit card. This one was the UPromise MasterCard from BofA, which is basically a glorified cashback card masquerading as helping people save for college. I wanted it because it gives cash back, starts out at a 0% balance transfer APR, and because I don’t have any MasterCard products (I’m also looking at Amex). 

Every time I get rejected for credit, it feels like a personal affront to my personality. I am deemed very high-risk because I am young, in college, and make very little money. Sure, I have had trouble with making impulsive purchases in the past, but I have always paid my bills on time.

I also got rejected for two different auto loans, including one from a credit union (which is supposed to be easy as pie).

They recommended a cosigner. Sorry, but have you met the people in my life? You’d reject them sooner than you’d reject me.

And so I am left wondering whether my financial life is going to go well. I can’t get a loan to pay off my cards. I can’t get a balance transfer card. I’m stuck paying 16% interest (on average) on over $3,000 of debt (not to mention my student loans).

I recently elected not to get a regular, full-time job. It is a standard when one needs money to go out and get a job. It’s secure and stable. But unfortunately, this isn’t true. Pete lost his steady job (which came with a contract) back in November 2008 and failed to find regular work until over five months later, when we moved back in with my parents.

Working for other people isn’t really stable. It’s just what you’re supposed to do. And really? That doesn’t always work otu so well.

So I’m freelancing now. I’m going to teach dance. I’m going to perform. I’m going to write. I’m going to design. I’m going to sell websites for other people. And I’m going to make money doing it. I’m not going to sink. I’m going to swim. And it’s all because I’m the lazy guy who didn’t want to get a job.

What I Will Never Do

At some point in life, all of us look back to the past with scrutiny. Sometimes, we see opportunities to grow for the future. Other times, we see loss or missed chances. Today, all I see is what I missed out on. This is a list of those things.

Never again will I have the opportunity to:

1. Go through life completely honest.
2. Be a contestant on youngster Jeopardy.
3. Be pure.
4. Be naive.
5. Live life without bipolar disorder.
6. Be single (from now on, I will always be married or divorced).
7. Experience life from a child’s view.
8. Join a high school club.
9. Get into an ivy league university on high school merit.

I feel like things are slipping away from me now. I feel like I missed my chance to be truly excellent and now all I have left is mediocrity to look forward to. I hope I’m wrong.

What have you missed out on?

Getting Discouraged

It is almost 2010 and so far this year, I have little to show for it.

I dropped out of school early this year and returned over the summer. My GPA is a little higher than before, I learned some new things, I forgot a lot of old things, and I have a little more money than I used to. Anything else? Nope.

I began blogging in early 2007. I still have few readers.

I began writing online for other people late last year. I have only made $50 total since.

I take surveys online as my main income stream. Sure, it’s not bad. But it’s not great or passive, either.

In November, I took on two new ventures and neither has been very successful because I have failed to work well on either. I feel boredom and ennui setting in by the minute, but I do nothing about it.

What am I to do?

How do you defeat discouragement, especially when it’s from within?

Want a Duct Tape Wallet?

I have taken upon myself a second new venture. I now sell duct tape wallets. You can either buy them on Etsy (through that link) or order one directly with me by sending an email to Michael (dot) Noker (at) gmail (dot) com.

Prices range from $5 (solid-color bi-fold) to $15 (glorified billfold). Shipping is $3 domestic and $5 international (maybe a little more, if the rate is too high for me to break even).

Also, everything is custom made by order, so you will need to wait at least shipping time + one day (that’s how long it takes to flatten).

I recently did an American flag wallet for the patriot in your circle.

Support a college student! Buy a wallet!

New Venture

As a move in the right direction, I’m now blogging about moving in the right direction and talking about how to balance life and business (and studying).

Do check it out and give me opinions. New updates on Sundays (business), Tuesdays (personal), and Thursdays (studying?).

Medication Week 3

So far, I have had no side effects. My energy level is below where I would like it to be, and I still feel kind of zonked, but I can do things without too much effort to get myself out of bed.

I have been sleeping semi-regularly, about midnight to nine or ten AM. Not bad for me.I can wake up somewhat easily.

I have done a lot, but feel like I haven’t at the end of the day. That feeling kind of sucks. I want it to go away.

I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday for an update. We’ll see how it goes and if he wants to bump me up any.

I Dunno What to Do

So, I’m coming down with a major case of boredom and think I’m getting ready to sleep, in the hopes that it goes away by tomorrow.

At this point in the semester, I’m done with most of my homework, and only a few projects remain to be done. I could have gotten a head start today, but instead, I did very little. I finished working on projects to skip a basic computer skills class (Seriously?), worked on a communication assignment, and wrote an article for Lady Business, then took three surveys, but that’s about it.

And tomorrow, I’m hoping inspiration strikes me and I have the perfect thing to do at home, because if not, I’m going to be working for The Man very soon. I have a lot of goals in my life, and none of them are reachable on three dollars a day, so I need to get going or else start working somewhere. I think I’ll be quitting shortly if I do, though, because next semester will be hell. It sure would be nice if my brain started working and I could figure out an at-home gig I’m actually good at.

I love writing, and I think I’m good at it. Unfortunately, I can rarely think of what to write and I cannot find a niche that truly amuses me (and sells well).

I like making duct tape wallets, but I doubt I can sell enough of those to buy a bag of peanuts.

I like programming and web design, but I have little programming experience and I failed to get any clients with web design.

I don’t know what to do at this point, and it’s driving me crazy. I need to find something soon that I can do well and often, or I’ll have to call it quits and try again in a few months.